Ruby Update

Pathetic.

She looks so stocky here to me. Broad shoulders.

She is an explorer.

This was a picture from a few days after I picked her up. She has grown since then.

I have noticed since getting Ruby that her existence depends on me. I realized that all the work I am doing, all the money I am paying, all the time I am spending is for her good. It's been a very selfless lesson for me to learn.

Depression

I've had so many people recently seeking counsel for depression. I know God took me through the "wilderness" so that I could relate to others (and I'm ok with that). I am honored that my boss sends people down to my office at times who are struggling. Here are some books that I found to be helpful during this time.

Charlie Brown is Reformed?

First Choice

Don from Freshwater Labs just emailed me and said I get my first choice of puppy. I'm very excited to bring Ruby home.

Ruby

My friend told me that when I get this puppy she will be my girlfriend. I went to Tonopah Arizona to choose from two puppies. These are the two choices. I bought her from www.freshwaterlabs.com.

Choice #1

Choice #2

Why I am in Ministry

This is Kayde and she is a senior in my youth group. A few days ago she asked me and a few friends if we would go with her to look at the home she grew up in. I knew she lived in poverty but I didn't know it was this bad. The house was probably about 15 miles into the heart of the Marianas. These are mountain communities that people who are escaping the brutal realities of life tend to find appealing. It's an escape from community but it's also an escape towards sickening amounts of drug and alcohol abuse. She wanted us to see what she came from.

The home was on top of a hill that other than the building itself and massive amounts of trash may have been otherwise pleasant to view. The home isn't ever locked but rather open for squatters to find a warm place to sleep. Inside there are rat droppings, hard liquor bottles and pictures of naked women everywhere. Kayde said that growing up it wasn't uncommon for them to go for some time without electricity and running water.

As disgusted as I was seeing this place I was moved by the fact that Kayde was proud of her old place. It was the home that she grew up in and loved. The family was forced by CPS to move because there were too many dangers on the property. Her father has since died of Lou Gerhigs disease and you could tell she misses him. It was a moment of grace for me to realize once again how blessed I am to have the family that I have. I am very proud of how God has grown Kayde and chosen her to be his own. Stories like Kayde's keep me going in ministry. This is why I do what I do.

Desert Living

The desert is a strange beast at times. Days can be miserably hot while nights can be nasty and cold (with lots of wind). Last week I studied Mark's account of the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. Having lived in the desert for 2 years now I can imagine how unbearable Jesus' wilderness time could have been. I love the picture of God "tearing apart" the heavens in 1:9. He is the one who is tearing that wall down (we would prefer to have that wall still intact).

Sunsets in the desert are beautiful. This is from the street in front of my house. It's a quiet neighborhood.

Joshua Tree in my front yard. They are weird but nice trees. It's illegal to cut them down. It makes me want to sing, "Where the Streets Have No Names."

Hard week for our teenagers. I believe God is in control. It's our only hope (even if my feelings scream otherwise).

My true self

Recently, I have become friends with a guy with an incredible story. He is 24 ( I think) and absolutely loves Jesus. He was regenerated about 5 years ago listening to Chuck Smith on the radio. We were talking about the male struggle with lust and he brought out the point that who we are when we fall is the greatest picture of reality. What he meant was that when we sin (whatever the sin may be) we are really showing at our core who we are. I am a sinner by nature. I am cursed by nature. I am depraved by nature. I am not good by nature. This may sound quite grim but it is actually quite liberating. The more we are exposed to our true self the more it pushes us to Jesus. It pushes me to his goodness and righteousness rather than me trying to muster up something I don't have.  

To End All Wars

This is maybe the best movie I have ever seen. Absolutely an incredible picture of grace.

ESV Study Bible

Crossway continues to be very smart. Mac users can download a free widget for the ESV Study Bible. 

Slow and Steady Growth

God is moving in our teenagers. Here is a list of what I have seen: 

1-  Teenagers coming to me with Bible questions from their personal time with Christ

2- Teenagers asking me what book of the Bible they should read

3- Teenagers getting angry (righteous anger) over their parents lack of love for God. 

This has taken almost 2 years to get to this point. It's worth every second of my time. I love these teenagers. I would die for them. I pray they will not leave the faith of their youth when they are out of high school. Sadly, this is the minority. I believe the Church is smaller than first appearance and the faithful inside the Church are even smaller. I want my kids to be the change and follow after the love of Christ. 

Ituma Road

I am in the process of buying a house this month. I feel very blessed that God has allowed this. It's a fairly decent sized house with years of work to do. One of the benefits of this house is that the chairman of the Elder board at our church lives a few houses down. He is actually the one who told me about it. I can't think of anybody who displays a love for Jesus more than him. Plus, he is a very handy guy around the house. 

Time Magazine

There is an article coming out in Time magazine speaking of the rise of Calvinism. I love that  the awareness of God's sovereignty is continuing to grow. I am excited in the growth of Calvinism and how a true understanding of the Scriptures will liberate many.

Ted Haggard Still Missing the Point

Ted Haggard is still missing the point. In a recent article he said, "My spiritual life was wonderfully empowering for me in the midst of the struggle. But it wasn't the solution."

Not the solution? Seriously? Jesus is not enough? 

I don't care what sin he has committed. Jesus is not just a solution but rather the solution. He can still dwell and embrace the grace of Christ and it would be wonderfully freeing and liberating for Haggard. Like him we all need grace. Me and most the world don't struggle with homosexuality but we do have our pet sins. These pet sins can only be killed by Jesus. Pray for Ted Haggard. 

Some Devil

This album came out in 2005 but I just really started listening to it in the last few months. It's Matthews' only album away from the band. You can tell a difference but it's absolutely fantastic. The songs "Some Devil" and "An' Another Thing" are great. 

The Dave Matthews band has an album coming out this Spring. It's been a while since so I am very eager to hear the album. I have been fairly disappointed with the last 2 studio albums. Please don't let me down Dave!!

God's Discipline

About a week ago I had the unsettling feeling that I had not been disciplined for a while by God. In fact it was one of those moments that made me question my standing with God. God says in Hebrews 12:5-6, "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." Not long after this thought process I was disciplined. It's painful, humiliating, and terrifying all at the same time. But, I believe the greatest emotion I experienced in this is ironically love. I feel God's presence in the discipline. I love that this passage starts off as my son. He is calling me his child. 

All that to say I SUCK!!!!! 

Father,

May I learn to love, obey and make you the object of my affections in every area of my life. I am sorry for my rebellion and hard heart. I grip onto you and Jesus. Jesus is my only hope for salvation, redemption and deliverance from my sin. Thank you Jesus. I love you.

Your Son, Nate

Assurance

I never really had assurance of salvation until my early twenties. Even though I trusted and loved Jesus I still battled the terrifying thought of being one of the many who will hear the words, "I never knew you" (Matt. 7:21-23). In all honestly I became very angry at God because of my own doubts. I once emailed a famous theologian about my doubts. He even wrote two very solid books on the subject. I became frustrated with him (unmerited) because he couldn't give me assurance (as if it's a secret pill). How selfish of me to get mad at a very busy man who took the time to help me. 

I really believe that the battle of doubt is mainly a personal battle. I say mainly because we need to express our doubts to other mature believers and get their help. But, when it comes down to it this is a battle between the totally depraved person and their doubts. 

With all that said I want to explained what helped me in my battle (that at times still exists).

• Meditate on Scripture-Remember that faith comes by hearing and reading God's Word (John 17:17; Romans 10:17. Do it over and over again until what you doubt becomes the anchor of faith you rely on.

•  Listen to Biblical Preaching- Along the same lines on meditating on Scripture it's important to hear Biblical preaching. If you are at a church where there is not Biblical preaching then you need to leave. Modern technology can be a blessing and a curse. The blessing of modern technology is that we can get wonderful preaching online. Here is a list I highly suggest: John Piper, Mark Driscoll, and Matt Chandler. 

• Focus on Jesus and not your emotions. The reason I battled so long with doubt was that I was looking at myself for my salvation.  I kept seeing sin and rebellion. I remember thinking, "I can't be saved. I have done so much evil." Of course I will doubt my salvation if I look at myself. That is one of Satan's most potent tools. Inward dwelling can be very poisoning to your fight for faith. 

• Remind yourself of the gospel daily. If you can get into the habit of reminding yourself of the gospel throughout the day you will find your doubts over time will subside. Remember the Gospel is not just for those under the wrath of God the redeemed as well. Paul tells the Romans he is eager to preach the gospel to them (he earlier refers to them as the saints). 

I hope this can be an encouragement in this battle. I believe we have made assurance of salvation a fleeting feeling. And to be honest I believe assurance is overrated to a degree. Many people are assured of salvation who will spend eternity in hell. May we cling to the sweet news of redemption in Christ and him alone. 

Reading Goals for 2009

I have too many books I need to read but have not yet. I have close to 500 books in my bedroom. I pulled off approximately 20-25 books that I want to read this year. I can easily read these books this year if I will average one chapter a day. I am currently reading Overcoming Sin and Temptation by John Owen and Courageous Leadership by Bill Hybels. I find myself choosing which book I will read by my mood. I am also going through the Bible this year. I am reading it in the NLT and enjoying it. 

I am doing all of this because I want to love Jesus more. I want him to be what is quenching this constant uneasiness and anxiety in me. I love him but want more.